Ch- Ch- Ch-Changes

Turn and face the strange.


There is a wind of change blowin' and it's strong one. The routine I know is going to get a bit hectic for a while. So I have to breathe and take the wind as it comes. Everything will work out in the end. It's just getting over the big "hump" of change that sucks.

Carrot Souffle

I feel like a carrot souffle:

I'm a big ass carrot, being cooked and cooked and cooked until I just about fall apart. Then I get put into a food processor and pureed until I'm just some orange goo. To make things even better, I get mized with eggs and cream and poured into a pan. To top it off I'm baked for 30-35 minues.

Such is life.

Candy Corn and blisters

Warning: inbarred flowing thoughts ahead

I had a really busy few days. Lots of events for work every evening where the "finale" of all of it was attending a ball. We got "purdied" up with all glitz and glam. Sport-o in his tux looked awesome and I think I "pulled off" a long, flowy teal-colored gown in a style somewhat reminiscent of Antiquity or the 1970s, take your pick.

The night went by without any major hitches or glitches, other than another girl had my SAME DRESS ON! She put a shaw on later in the night, probably realizing that I looked hotter than she did (kidding! I'm not that conceited!). But we weren't anywhere near each other (done purposely, I'm sure) so I don't think anyone noticed.

We met some new people and gained some information that I can turn into a report for our Development department. They paid our tickets (retail $250 each) so I have to turn in SOMETHING that makes it worthwhile. ;)

One of the people I met had a movie made about their child recently. I don't want to give too much away, but it was a really interesting but eerie thing to meet these people. I don't mean eerie in a bad way. It's just that you feel a different connection to people when you know about the "story behind the movie" and realize that it was REAL.

I found out that my assistant is dating an intern and he's leaving next week as his internship is at an end. They were all over each other at the events this weekend, heightening my "Grey's Anatomy" curiosity. My rather blunt husband flat-out asked when he was one-on-one with the dude--and yes, indeed they are dating, but will "play it by ear" after they part states. I felt like a teenager in high school getting the scoop. But anyway, that makes me sad for my assistant to have a new love and he's going back to California as it truly takes off. It's weird because I thought she had a boyfriend in Australia, but I guess that might have ended (or is it open-ended?). Maybe she's just a popular gal. Regardless, it's hard to be in our little town by yourself- I'm glad I have Sport-o. I don't want to be in her shoes.

So now it's the day after all the hoopla. Things should slightly calm down, though I don't anticipate a major slow down anytime soon. Too many things on my plate at work. Plus, I'm hoping to get involved at the local college to see about maybe teaching a course or doing something with them. We'll see what happens. And hockey season started- back to working the concession stand. Wahoo. I have a few trips to occupy my mind in the next few weeks too.

So as I munch on candy corn, I think back on the few days before. How I reacted to some things and HOPEFULLY have learned from them. I do not feel settled about things yet as they are fresh in my mind and haven't gained distance yet to get perspective. I tend to overanalize, so the more time I have to let go, the better. It is very unsettling to close your eyes and see events that passed flash through and you can't shake them. I take my job seriously and feel like I did something wrong. People told me I did a good job with what I had and the circumstances around me. But can't help but run through things over and over.

My feet have the scars to prove that I "worked the room" as best I could. No high heels this week. The blisters say it all.

It's a little bit funny

Sunday evenings are when most of the American population that works a Monday through Friday job gets a feeling of dread in their stomach. I'm not an exception to that. No sirree. Every Sunday night I get ready for the week ahead just like everybody else and think- oh I hate Mondays.

Why is that? We should all be used to it by now. Why complain? Why dread? It's a fact of life that sucks and we all hate it. But another Monday comes along and we go through the cycle all over again.

Wish it was Friday. Such is life.

Found 'em!

It took forever, but I found my keys!

Oh where could they be

I'm bummed.

I lost my set of keys last weekend. I still haven't found them. It's not the keys I'm all that worried about, as they are replaceable, but it's the keychains.

I had two keychains with my keys. One was a Beatles pewter one. It was something I ordered right out of high school online. It showed my personality and I really liked it.

The other was even more special- a Heinz Pickle that my Aunt gave to me on my sixteenth birthday. She gave it to me for when I would learn how to drive-- well, I kept it ever since. It would remind me of where I came from and was unique from anyone else's keys. It was sentimental.

And now they're gone. I know they're dumb material things, but I still wish I could find them.

Too many projects

I'm looking around our office at home and realize how many different projects my husband and I have going on. Some we started and haven't got back to yet, some that we bought the stuff for but haven't even opened the packaging yet, and others that are done or almost done. I wonder how and why we do it....

Is it part of both of our personalities to get big ideas and then continually start and stop them? If it is, I want to change that! Or is it that we have ideas better than we can handle as the time or money permitted us? I don't remember ever being this way- having a closet of unpainted christmas houses that had the full potential of being a beautiful Christmas Village under our tree that still sits in their plastic. My honeymoon scrapbook is done, happily, but it took me 4 years to finish it! I guess I should be ashamed of how long it took me, but it is done.

And the list goes on and on....

I wonder how this translates into other parts of my life.

I spoke in front of a crowd today and

introduced a speaker. Two things happened:

1.) people complimented me on speaking clearly
2.) Comments were made about the new curator being 12.

happiness...

is a warm, cuddly cat on your lap while you're typing at your computer.

Holding my own

I had some small achievements this week. Other people in my profession would think them kinda ordinary, but to me they were a big deal. It's these little feats that I have to hold on to and build from. If I'm constantly bringing myself down saying I'm not doing this or that right, I'll never get anywhere. Confidence is a bitch.

I talked to my mother about the issues that have come up in the past two weeks of my new job, like being agressive and making strong decisions. All of this ultimately led to discussion of my childhood. "Oh, if only you finished that last season of softball before you got hurt, you would've learned to stand up for yourself. You would've been not just a good player, but a great player...and would've put that Kelly in her place (a girl "bully" who was always mean to me)... oh and when you were in dance class, you were such a good dancer when you were confident about what you were doing...and when you were drum major (in High School band) I knew you were afraid to stand up in front of everyone but you did it, you just needed someone to tell you you could and that they had faith in you...." and so on and so on. She traces my confidence issues way back to kindergarten and the whole "don't talk to stangers" campaign. My mother claims that I was outgoing and talkative until I was told about kids who could have bad things happen to them when they talk to strangers. I was forever changed. But---I can't disagree with that. I don't really know.

But maybe she's right about the things listed above-- if only something occurred in my life that was that turning point that gave me the backbone I need today in the professional world. But I can't say "if only" or "what if"-- because I'm dealing with "now."

Not only do I have confidence issues, I also have "perfection" issues. I'm not a perfectionist with everything, but I am someone who never wants to show any kind of uncertainty. I have to know answers to questions, where point a leads to point b, and hate to admit when I don't understand something. It may sound contradictory to the whole confidence thing, but it's not to me. Not the way my brain works. If I don't know the complete situation and have that control, my confidence drops. If there's any doubt, it can easily consume me.

I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok to ask questions, make mistakes, and be assertive. If people think I'm some kind of barracuda, I should be ok with that. I shouldn't overanalyze and second guess.

1 week in---103 weeks to go

So I made it through my first week as big boss of the department. The place is still standing. I think that calls for a celebration!

How do you feel? I don't

I'm going to be taking on my boss's job for a long period while she goes on leave. People have come up to me and asked, "How do you feel?" "Aren't you excited?" What a great oppurtunity! Aren't you thrilled?"

Every time, I graciously smile and say a generic answer, "Sure! It will be exciting!" or something like that. But I don't really feel anything... yet. If I feel ANYTHING at all, it would be a feeling of anticipation and dread at the same time. Think of it like a deer before he gets hit by an oncoming vehicle. He knows the car is coming, but there's nothing he can do about it. Sounds rather grim, but it's realistic to me.

But don't interpret that as underlying fear or nervousness. Sure, that's a part of it, but not all. It's just getting ready for inevitability. I'll do my job the best I can (as I keep telling myself) and work through it. I just have to believe in myself and my abilities.

Let me say that again so I can get it in my head: I just have to believe in myself and my abilities!!!!

Happy Sunday

I'm hot.

Another bit of Trivia

Colin Firth was also from County Meath, Ireland. I thought he was a Brit too!

Jumbled

I did a TV jumble word puzzle that was in the newspaper tonight. It took forever, and some Googling, to figure out. The final answer was Pierce Brosnan. (Sorry if I spoiled it for people out there, but too bad.)

Turns out he was actually born in County Meath, Ireland. So James Bond, Remington Steele, the crappy singer from Mamma Mia, or however you know him, isn't actually British.


The mind boggles.

Not the Only One Staring at the Sun

Where did the Summer go? It's July already!

I spent most of it indoors in an office with no windows.

But things are gonna change. I'm gonna get back to normal again, or at least try to. I've been selfish with working too much and I lost track of things, like the sun. Something I've taken for granted. And I've also taken other important things for granted--- like Sport-o, my love.

Gotta have my time in the sun and the summer. Literally. I'll sit back and enjoy it while it's still here. But also take back those things I've seemed to lost temporarily, like my sanity and those who I depend on most.

JV never Varsity

The original intent of this post was to be cheery and say that everything went well with all the events of my work and that I'm now catching up with my life. Well, that's all true, the big events went almost perfectly and every one can pat themselves on the back. I'm proud of myself and the work I did.

But after the smoke cleared I have this ick feeling that I can't shake. It's the "I didn't get enough credit- pooey on me" syndrome. All along I was with my boss in the planning, the conception, the installation, the everything you can think of to make this successful. And when it came time for the "thanks" all I got was a thank you note. No recognition at any of the fancy dinners, no one clapped for me or called me a genuis. I understand I'm the second fiddle, the Robin to Batman, but even Robin gets his thanks when he does something good.

I guess it sounds envious and jealous. I know, I know that it's the way things work. The peons don't get recognition, but it just doesn't seem fair.

You know, I had to give a tour to the spouses of our board because my boss was being interviewed by the New York Times at the same time. When I met up with them and introduced myself and said I'd be giving the tour, you couldn't believe the looks on their faces. Disappointment. It was the JV instead of the Varsity.

Makes me feel like shit. Never good enough.

Take your thank you note and shove it.

Dreams are reflections of our lives

I've been having the same kind of dream over and over. Each time a little different, but I am always swallowing or choking on something. Last night it was so intense, I actually started smacking my husband to get his attention to help me like I was really choking. It felt so real. He was not happy to be awakened like that! It freaked him out. He wasn't the only one.

Dream moods dictionary says about choking in dreams:

Choking
To dream that you are choking on an object, suggests that you may find some advice/remarks/situation hard to swallow or difficult to accept. Alternatively, you may feel that you are unable to completely express yourself in a situation. In particular, if you are choking on food, then it may be an expression of self-guilt and unnurtured feelings. If you are choking on smoke, then it indicates something you are unwilling to confront.
To dream that someone is choking you, indicates that you are suppressing your emotions or that you may have difficulties in expressing your fears, anger, or love. Consider the phrase "being all choked up". Alternatively, you may feel that you are being prevented or restricted from freely expressing yourself.
To dream that you are choking someone, signifies feelings of aggression. You may also be trying to prevent something from being said or revealed.
Choking dreams are often a fearful experience and it is not uncommon for dreamers to awaken from them.

The other reoccurring dream is that I'm swallowing things. Bad things like cloth, nails, metallic things. According to http://en.mimi.hu/dreams/swallow.html :

Dreaming that you swallow something indicates that you are holding back your feelings or words. You may feel unable to express your anger.


----You know what I have to say about this? It's totally true. ::::Gulp:::::

The little things

I've been stressed with my job lately.

That's an understatement.


But anyway, I'm sitting here trying to think of what to do since I'm not at work. Should I clean my house, read a book, put a movie on the tv, or what. As I moved toward the computer, the same room as the guinea pig and his little house, I stopped and tapped on his igloo. He greeted me like I was the most important thing in the whole world. (Because he thought I was bringing him a treat, but that's not the point.) And my cat came in the room as I sat down and logged on to my blog, and she jumped on my lap. Again, like I was the most important thing in the world. She's still sitting here, nudging me along as I type. It really feels nice.

So it made me think about those little things that I forgot to do lately. I need to just sit still and realize what's going on around me. Not worry about what to do or who to impress. I know I'll still do that, it's just my nature, but at least I have a couple of critters that know I'm a warm lap to cuddle on, or a hand that feeds them.

And that makes me feel good. It's not exactly "Stop and smell the roses" but more like, "make sure you take the time to chill or you'll lose sight of things".

Blog time

It's been a while since I've written, but I have a good reason. I've been busy. Yes, it's a legit excuse because it's the truth. This ting called work has really dug into my blog time.

Alternatives

I wanted to go to the mall today. There were no malls around so we took a drive out to the nearby National Forest. I saw pronghorn and elk rather than a Bath and Body Works and JC Penny.

A herd of pronghorn ran past our truck so quickly, my camera couldn't take a picture fast enough. Better than a car pulling out in front of us in a parking lot.

Drove for miles on a dirt road, fearing big boudlers, cliffs and terrain as it rocked the truck. That is, instead of trying to maneuver around potholes and curbs.

We were surrounded by gigantic mountains, not skyscrapers or department stores.

I wanted to go to the mall today. I didn't. Funny how that works when you live in Wyoming.

Keep On Trying

by Poco

I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout
All the times you told me
You’re so full of doubt
You just can’t let it be
But I know
If you keep comin’ back for more
Then I’ll keep on tryin’
Keep on tryin’
And I’ve been drinkin’ now
Just a little too much
And I don’t know how
I can get in touch with you
Now there’s only one thing
For me to do, that’s to
To get home to you
And I feel so satisfied when
I can see you smile
I want to confide in
All that is true, so I’ll
Keep on tryin’ I’m
Through with lyin’
Just like the sun above
I’ll come shinin, trough
Oh yes I’ll
Keep on tryin’, I’m
Tired of cryin’
I got to find a way
To get on home to you
I’ve been thingin’ ’bout
All the times you held me
I never heard you shout
The flow of energy was so fine
Now I think I’ll lay it on the line
And keep on tryin’
To get home to you
And I feel so satisfied when
I can see you smile
I want to confide in
All that is true, so I’ll
Keep on tryin’ I’m
Through with lyin’
Just like the sun above
I’ll come shinin, trough
Yes I will
Oh yes I’ll
Keep on tryin’, I’m
Tired of cryin’
I got to find a way
To get on home to you

Waffled Pizza Dippers

Adapted from a recipe I saw on www.recipezaar.com

1 package cresent dough
1 package cheese of your choice
pizza toppings of your choice) pepperoni, peppers, mushrooms, onion, whatever- chopped fairly small
seasonings of your choice (Italian seasoning, s & p works well)
Pizza sauce

Pull out your waffle iron and heat up

Roll out crescent dough. Press together perforations. Cut into square large enough to make a "waffle". Lay in one side of waffle iron. Put layer of cheese and toppings. place another layer of dough on top. Press down waffle top and wait until "Done". Dough should be baked through and ready to serve.

Heat pizza sauce and pour in dipping bowl. Serve with the waffles.

I must've had a wicked childhood

No- my childhood was not wicked, but I find myself looking back a lot lately. There are things that happened in my life that helped form who I am today, good or bad. I found out recently that I had really bad jaundice when I was a newborn. I know, I know, it's common, but it was something that I didn't know.

My mother brings up stories of things my family did that I don't recall at all. I wonder if she's mixing us up with her kids from her camp director days, or from being a Youth coordinator at our church. But then, I think, maybe it's me. Am I not remembering this stuff?

It's become a matter of she said, she said. This has been happening more and more lately. I don't know who or what to believe.

Whatever you want just leave me be

I'm tired and cranky. The world is bearing down on me and I can't seem to figure out how to take the weight off. I know it will pass, but geez, give me a break until I figure it out.

Uncomfortably numb

I wrote a series of articles about an artist for the museum newsletter. I wrote and rewrote and worked and reworked it, worrying about what this artist would think. I fretted to the point that I just had to stop. I sent my last draft of the article to this artist, and heard back this morning that he liked it. He liked it! (Think Mikey with Life cereal as to my emotions at that moment!)

I said to Sport-o how I'm just overthinking everything with the work I'm having to do lately. I'm so worried about what others will think I'm loosing sight of what I want to do, how to present certain things, and stand my ground on what I feel is right. It's like I've been going to work with a little piece of my heart sinking, heavy from the burdens I'm unintentionally putting on it. I want to please others but am loosing myself while doing it. I don't have that competitiveness in my personality that I can battle with type A's the way I should. For the past 2 years I have been taking that back seat, and I'm not sure how to take shotgun. Sport-o says I should just "DO IT" and get over this feeling. But I don't know how.

I've learned, though, to take criticism, and a lot of it. Maybe that's why I'm so beaten down. I've just become so numb to it that I just let it go, let it wash over me again and again... an erosion of me.

HULK Shirt

I have a shirt that has been worn a total of three times. After each time, I put it in the wash. Each time it is taken out of the washer, I am missing another button. I have a big bag of buttons in my craft drawer, so I sew a new one on. No, it's not an exact match, but it's close enough that it looks like the style of the shirt. No one knows the difference.

This morning I sewed on button number 3. It was actually the same button that popped off, so I didn't have to do any creative button picking.

The funny thing is, everytime I wear this shirt with exploding buttons, I get complimented. So I keep wearing the shirt.

My hulk shirt. (You know, 'cause I rip it off like the Hulk and lose buttons. No not really.)

You just don't want to see me get angry....

Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home?

My Aunt's cat died on Sunday.
My Mom is in the hospital with pnemonia and bronchitis.
My Dad is home with pnemonia.
My husband is at hockey.
My brother just turned 31 on the 8th and lost an hour of it because of the time change.
My guinea pig has diarrea.
My sister may be moving to Virginia.
My other sister may be going to a new college.
My cat sheds everywhere.
My brother-in-law is engaged and is going to be a dad.

There's lots going on, it seems. Though I don't know the half of it, supposedly. I hear second- hand information from people most of the time anymore. I didn't know about my Aunt's cat until I asked about him. He was my friend and I felt bad to hear that he passed on. I didn't know that that same Aunt was laid off from her job. But I was supposed to know. Through osmosis, I guess.

Then I was told that people in my family are keeping things from me because they didn't think I wanted to know. So I'm kept in the dark on purpose. That makes no sense to me. Why are things being withheld? Aren't I part of the family too?

Should I make a list of things to ask everytime I talk to anyone?

It would go something like this...

"Hello (name- I'll use my Mom as an example)

How are you? How's Dad? How's my sister? How's the dog? So, did anyone die today? How's the living room furniture? How's work? Is the car working? Is the sun shining? Did you brush your teeth today? How are your bowels? Did the mailman bring mail today? What kind of cereal did you have for breakfast this morning?

Uh huh. Oh. Ok. Great. Thanks. Talk to you later."

It is so frustrating that just because I am not in the state that all of the sudden I am not in the know with things happening with my family. I don't understand it. I know that the separation between us does have an affect on communications, but gees. Give me a break. I tell my family when things go on with me. Granted, I may not tell them what I ate for breakfast that day, but I do keep them in the loop. Where's the reciprocation? Bah.

Overit and Underit

I'm feeling really overwhelmed. Work is just a neverending thing. Working all the time and not having money is really sucking. I can't get ahead, just behind. I keep telling myself it will pass, but then I get a migraine and cry myself to sleep because I hate them. I hate what's causing them- stress. Stress from where? Work. So I get up the next day and go to work. Get stressed again. Like I said. It doesn't end.

Know when to hold 'em

Know that Kenny Rogers song, The Gambler? It's playing right now on my computer. Those are some words of wisdom, I tell ya. I'll let you interpret on your own as I found my own inspiration from it.
Here the lyrics are for you to ponder:

On a warm summers evenin on a train bound for nowhere
I met up with the gambler;
we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin out the window at the darkness
til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.
He said, son, I've made a life out of readin peoples faces,
And knowin what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
So if you dont mind my sayin, I can see youre out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey Ill give you some advice.
So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, if youre gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.
You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.
Now evry gambler knows that the secret to survivin
Is knowin what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
cause evry hands a winner and evry hands a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.
So when hed finished speakin, he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.
You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.
You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

February

It always seemed to me that February came in like a race car and out like a.... well...race car. You barely knew it flew past you. But I like February. It's the month I was born, Valentine's day is always a plus, many of my friends birthdays are near mine, and there's always some monster truck rally that comes to town. I always wanted to check those out and never did. They always come around my birthay. Oh well.

February will come and go. People often decide to cram things into this little month. Growing up I'd rarely get my birthday cake or presents on my birthday. My parents would put it off until a week or two later, or even wait until my brother's birthday which was in March. We were busy with all sort of activities. It was ok with me then, but now I realize I was jipped! Getting those "shared" or stale birthday cakes was a sham! I want restitution!

But I digress. But February is a good month. It's like a little puppy dog that you pat on the head and say "good boy." Weather is a bit unpredictable but you can have some warm days and some snow days. People are also coming out of the Christmas funk a month after they realize how maxed out their credit cards are and started to pay them off. People also start to look toward spring. I just kinda like how it's stuck in the middle... not dead Winter but not too close to Spring either. The month just moves along; that obedient puppy dog!

And February is unique because of the way it's spelled and said. You must emphasize how you say it to be clear. Otherwise you sound stupid.

I like February. That is, until it pees on the floor.

Chill

It's cold outside and people are kinda wound up 'round here. Cabin fever? Maybe. There are so many grouches it's hard not to be one too. I don't know why. We got snow and wind and it's cold. Big deal. In Wyoming people pretty much continue with their daily lives like nothing is different. My family in Pittsburgh gets some nasty cold weather and the whole city practically shuts down. Growing up there that's what I thought always happened. Snow= Bad roads= cancelled school. Ice= bad roads= no bus system. Then I move to Wyoming and need 4 wheel drive to get around, but business is as usual. -16 degrees? No problem! 50 mph winds? Heck! Bring it on! We're tough enough to take it on--- we're in Wyoming! The Cowboy state! Yippee!


But seriously, I've learned a lot about being out west in the winter. People act a different way when it comes to bad weather out here. "Plowing" doesn't help much. The plows still leave an inch of compacted snow on the street that tires slide on. Shoveling sidewalks? Some people do it, others have the philosophy of "Well, it will just blow away in a few days anyway. Why bother?" which by the time that happens you have frozen footsteps on that walkway where people tread. Those spots become ice. How about laying salt down on the road? Nope. Not a chance. We may get some sinders, but that's if we're lucky. It doesn't help all that much anyway if we do.

The other day I was fascinated by those people who didn't let their cars warm up after sitting in a parking lot all day. I actually started my truck, then went back into my work building and waited a few minutes. With my luck, the director of my work came in and asked who left their truck running. I said it was me, thinking something may have happened. He was appalled that I would leave my car unattended out there. In my defense, I was right by the door, where security cameras are that I could see my truck. I didn't think much of it. The parking lot is a private lot. My director moved to here from a big city, like me, but still had those "city standards"--- some things that people in Wyoming don't even consider. Lock your car? Pish Posh. Lock your house? You kidding?!

So perhaps a little bit of Wyoming weather behavior is rubbing off on me if I trusted that my running truck not be stolen. But I am not one of those people who leaves their car on while in the Walmart! I lock my truck. I lock the doors to my house. I hold my purse close to my body and always look under my car to make sure there are no creepy people under there. I hold my keys as a weapon, and I don't park in dark places or walk in dark places unattended. It may be the city girl in me, but I don't mind. I'd rather be safe then sorry.

But back on the weather here. The wind is insane. It doesn't stop for months. Most of the time I can sleep through it- hearing the wind outside my window. But some days it's a nightmare. I don't know how the pioneers did it. Well, I can figure: Wyoming wasn't a place pioneers stayed. They passed through it to get to better lands. So they didn't stay here long. Some Native Americans, however, considered this place home. I'm fascinated by the way they survived in this "desolate wasteland" (as my mother once called it). They were the ultimate survivors.

I have a new found respect for the west by living out here through 4 winters. I'm sure I'll be learning a lot more about my adopted state's crazy weather patterns and mother nature's tricks played on us 'round here. No wonder everyone's grouchy!

All Wound Up

Today I feel like one of those wind up toys that when you crank the little knob a few times and let it go it just spirts forward and spins around and around and moves forward again a few inches and then runs into a wall or just runs out of what ever was wound up inside of it and it's over.




I have one that's of sushi.

Holding up a mirror

Random observations about myself:

1. I bounce my leg when I'm sitting and am anxious. I also cross my legs too much.
2. My glasses are loose and I have to keep adjusting them. I'm paranoid that they're crooked on my face.
3. I like hot food, but not jalapenos.
4. I somehow, perhaps through osmosis, start saying other people's catch phrases. I somehow obsorb their vocabulary. I started saying, "You think?" like one of our friends, and starting explanations with , "well...." like our other friend. I hope that doesn't mean I'm weak minded. Wonder if someone would do a Jedi mind trick if it would work on me... "This are not the driods you're looking for."
5. I haven't drawn anything in over a year. I used to love to draw.
6. I work better when there's no one around. But only for a while. Then I can't help myself and start browsing the internet or putting things on my blog. Can't win either way.
7. I'm not lucky.
8. My earrings keep getting caught in my sweater. Damn moose.
9. I'm easily intimidated.
10. I have an accent that I don't hear but others do. But I hear everyone else's accents.
11. I have kept in better contact with people from high school than any other period in my life.
12. I daydream a lot.
13. I make lots of pointless lists.
14. I don't want to end on 13 because that number hasn't given me any luck. (refer to #7)