The original intent of this post was to be cheery and say that everything went well with all the events of my work and that I'm now catching up with my life. Well, that's all true, the big events went almost perfectly and every one can pat themselves on the back. I'm proud of myself and the work I did.
But after the smoke cleared I have this ick feeling that I can't shake. It's the "I didn't get enough credit- pooey on me" syndrome. All along I was with my boss in the planning, the conception, the installation, the everything you can think of to make this successful. And when it came time for the "thanks" all I got was a thank you note. No recognition at any of the fancy dinners, no one clapped for me or called me a genuis. I understand I'm the second fiddle, the Robin to Batman, but even Robin gets his thanks when he does something good.
I guess it sounds envious and jealous. I know, I know that it's the way things work. The peons don't get recognition, but it just doesn't seem fair.
You know, I had to give a tour to the spouses of our board because my boss was being interviewed by the New York Times at the same time. When I met up with them and introduced myself and said I'd be giving the tour, you couldn't believe the looks on their faces. Disappointment. It was the JV instead of the Varsity.
Makes me feel like shit. Never good enough.
Take your thank you note and shove it.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Dreams are reflections of our lives
I've been having the same kind of dream over and over. Each time a little different, but I am always swallowing or choking on something. Last night it was so intense, I actually started smacking my husband to get his attention to help me like I was really choking. It felt so real. He was not happy to be awakened like that! It freaked him out. He wasn't the only one.
Dream moods dictionary says about choking in dreams:
Choking
To dream that you are choking on an object, suggests that you may find some advice/remarks/situation hard to swallow or difficult to accept. Alternatively, you may feel that you are unable to completely express yourself in a situation. In particular, if you are choking on food, then it may be an expression of self-guilt and unnurtured feelings. If you are choking on smoke, then it indicates something you are unwilling to confront.
To dream that someone is choking you, indicates that you are suppressing your emotions or that you may have difficulties in expressing your fears, anger, or love. Consider the phrase "being all choked up". Alternatively, you may feel that you are being prevented or restricted from freely expressing yourself.
To dream that you are choking someone, signifies feelings of aggression. You may also be trying to prevent something from being said or revealed.
Choking dreams are often a fearful experience and it is not uncommon for dreamers to awaken from them.
The other reoccurring dream is that I'm swallowing things. Bad things like cloth, nails, metallic things. According to http://en.mimi.hu/dreams/swallow.html :
Dreaming that you swallow something indicates that you are holding back your feelings or words. You may feel unable to express your anger.
----You know what I have to say about this? It's totally true. ::::Gulp:::::
Dream moods dictionary says about choking in dreams:
Choking
To dream that you are choking on an object, suggests that you may find some advice/remarks/situation hard to swallow or difficult to accept. Alternatively, you may feel that you are unable to completely express yourself in a situation. In particular, if you are choking on food, then it may be an expression of self-guilt and unnurtured feelings. If you are choking on smoke, then it indicates something you are unwilling to confront.
To dream that someone is choking you, indicates that you are suppressing your emotions or that you may have difficulties in expressing your fears, anger, or love. Consider the phrase "being all choked up". Alternatively, you may feel that you are being prevented or restricted from freely expressing yourself.
To dream that you are choking someone, signifies feelings of aggression. You may also be trying to prevent something from being said or revealed.
Choking dreams are often a fearful experience and it is not uncommon for dreamers to awaken from them.
The other reoccurring dream is that I'm swallowing things. Bad things like cloth, nails, metallic things. According to http://en.mimi.hu/dreams/swallow.html :
Dreaming that you swallow something indicates that you are holding back your feelings or words. You may feel unable to express your anger.
----You know what I have to say about this? It's totally true. ::::Gulp:::::
Saturday, June 06, 2009
The little things
I've been stressed with my job lately.
That's an understatement.
But anyway, I'm sitting here trying to think of what to do since I'm not at work. Should I clean my house, read a book, put a movie on the tv, or what. As I moved toward the computer, the same room as the guinea pig and his little house, I stopped and tapped on his igloo. He greeted me like I was the most important thing in the whole world. (Because he thought I was bringing him a treat, but that's not the point.) And my cat came in the room as I sat down and logged on to my blog, and she jumped on my lap. Again, like I was the most important thing in the world. She's still sitting here, nudging me along as I type. It really feels nice.
So it made me think about those little things that I forgot to do lately. I need to just sit still and realize what's going on around me. Not worry about what to do or who to impress. I know I'll still do that, it's just my nature, but at least I have a couple of critters that know I'm a warm lap to cuddle on, or a hand that feeds them.
And that makes me feel good. It's not exactly "Stop and smell the roses" but more like, "make sure you take the time to chill or you'll lose sight of things".
That's an understatement.
But anyway, I'm sitting here trying to think of what to do since I'm not at work. Should I clean my house, read a book, put a movie on the tv, or what. As I moved toward the computer, the same room as the guinea pig and his little house, I stopped and tapped on his igloo. He greeted me like I was the most important thing in the whole world. (Because he thought I was bringing him a treat, but that's not the point.) And my cat came in the room as I sat down and logged on to my blog, and she jumped on my lap. Again, like I was the most important thing in the world. She's still sitting here, nudging me along as I type. It really feels nice.
So it made me think about those little things that I forgot to do lately. I need to just sit still and realize what's going on around me. Not worry about what to do or who to impress. I know I'll still do that, it's just my nature, but at least I have a couple of critters that know I'm a warm lap to cuddle on, or a hand that feeds them.
And that makes me feel good. It's not exactly "Stop and smell the roses" but more like, "make sure you take the time to chill or you'll lose sight of things".
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