Do I have anything important to say?

Writing something "important" is an item in which many people feel intimidated. I certainly do. Writing about politics or comic books or whatever may tickle someone's ribs may feel quite significant to the individual, and they may get some followers online, start interesting discussions, gain friends, etc.. How do you bear your soul and open up, voicing your opinion or idea that could also bring on opposition and criticism?

I've always been a "middle" kind of gal. Maybe it's because I was the second child of four, a "middle child" that always had to be good, smart, creative, and attentive, which has all sort of psychological repercussions, supposedly. Being in the middle of the road, trying to avoid conflict is deeply rooted into my brain. "The Quiet One" as I was once called in the 8th grade, the wallflower, is a trait I cannot shake. Learning to be assertive, building my self-esteem, and not always conveying this shy, non-committal stance is so difficult. As I grow deeper into my shoes at work where I often fall into the role of leader, I am slowly taking the steps to voice my views, but there are aggressors that constantly shoot me down. As Chumbawamba said, "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna take me down..."  And we wonder why they were one-hit wonders. Heh.

Back to the initial topic: writing something important.  I can do book reviews, give advice to young professionals, talk about arts and crafts, or write short stories. Putting words on paper is therapeutic to me, just as an artist may paint to calm his or her nerves. (Poor Van Gogh- while he painted he injested lead in the paint...made him crazier than he already was, but I digress.) But what is IMPORTANT, I ask? It's the "middle child" in me that doesn't want to sway.

I wrote a short, very short, children's story that I felt was unique, fun, and personal. I thought I had the support and endorsement from my husband and as I gained enthusiasm for the project to actually turn into something, Sport-o confessed that it really wasn't good. My heart broke. Do I go with my gut that originally loved the concept? Do I start over and build on what I have? Or do i scrap it? I'm in the middle again. Do I turn left or right? Is this something important to say?

I don't know the answer to this. For now it sits dormant which I believe is the worst option of all.

Still Life

To paraphrase: "...the true definition of still life: nature morte or natura un posa, inanimate objects that are isolated or in repose. There are no implications of action..."-- American Still Life

Upon reflection, I fit the definition of a still life. Sitting at my desk at the computer every day, virtually an inanimate object, isolated, and in repose. It seems the only exception is that I have a heartbeat.

Depression, anxiety, fear, and all those buzz words that are  every other commercial for medication on the TV creep into our brains. We feel there is something wrong with us. The loss of interaction with people via in person or the telephone affect us in more ways when we choose to instead "talk" via text or email. Staying in instead of going out. Fearing what lies in the dark, or worrying about that next day of work- those are ways of being a still life. Limiting ourselves when there are no limits.

It's hard to see yourself until you hold up a mirror and see past your face. Those Dove commercials that have that very message cover the physical manifestations of this point, but it is more than that. Seeing inward is the most important part of taking yourself out of being a still life and becoming more. If we could all become "more" what are the possibilities?  Continuing the thread of the art historical metaphors, we are  abstract, expressionistic, or impressionistic works; individual, one-of-a-kind works of art that are appreciated on their own merits and can withstand the test of time.  Why is that so hard to believe sometimes?