2012 We hardly knew ye

It's been a while my internet friends.

I'm sure you missed me.

There is something on my mind, weighing on my concience that I must relate to you.  I don't want to be miserable, but I'm so caught up in drama and negativity I feel like I'm drowning in it. I bring everyone down when I get this way, and it is a resolution of mine to change my thought patterns to be more positive. Below are 5 negative things that were not good, and 10 positive things that were great. If I face the negative, stare it in the eye like I have no fear of it, then it may be therapeutic. Further, if I have more positive then negative perhaps it will help turn things around for my mental outlook.

It's a shoot-out to the death. Here goes.

1. My husband needs a job. He needs a purpose again. I feel guilty I put him in this situation.
2. We still own our house, so we're paying rent and a mortgage. Without a second income, if we don't have the house rented we're sunk.
3. My job has a tendency to suck. Admin can't make a decision to save someone's life. I feel like a duck out of water because I'm recieving no guidance. I also don't feel like I can trust anyone because it's an environment of pure gossip.
4. This was the year of big health problems. It's like my warranty expired and I need replacement parts. And our health plan is crap.
5.  Almost losing family. My Aunt and Father-in-law almost died within a week of each other.

There were some great things that happened in 2012, and I'm glad for them. I'll use this  as a way to pump up my spirits so that the positive energy may translate into the following year.

1. I started a new job. Granted, it wasn't what I thought, but I met some really nice people that most of the time are great to work with. I hope that things get better- I want to be zen and ignore the gossip.
2. I met a few new friends. Meet Up is a great way to do that, along with internet friend sites. I now have a friend in Germany and Switzerland. Cheers- to more friends.
3. Eating healthy has given me a little more spring in my step. I wanted to lose weight, and didn't, but realized that eating better can change your mental outlook. Now if I could just lose those 10 pounds.
4. Visiting family. I was glad to see them, as it had been 1 1/2 years since visiting home, but the night before I was to leave I lost hold of myself and engaged in uncontrollable sobbing while trying to sleep. It was sadness over how I missed so much over the  past year and a half and who knew when I'd be back. But this is a list of positive things, right? So let's stick with how great it was to visit my family.
5. Spending more time with the husband. I spent more time with my husband in 2012 than the last 2 1/2 years.
6. I am staying with my rule of not working really late or taking work home with me---well, almost. I haven't learned the mental turn-off switch yet. It's hard to do.
7. My medication changed me. I'm on stuff that took away the pain completely, though it's like a "phantom pain" that's always with me. I just hope it stays that way.
8. We had two visitors from out of town this year. Visitors are good. We would like more.
9. Seeing the sights of our new home city. Driving around, visiting museums, shops, etc.
10. This may sounds silly, but actually having enough sense to figure out where I am in town is a big plus for me. I have no sense of direction. None. The fact that I can make it home sometimes is a cause for great celebration.

You're bored to tears, I know. These are such trifles, but they are apocalyptical to me.  I'm sure if you tried to lay out your pros and cons for the year you'd feel the same way I do right now, saying to yourself,  "God, I hope 2013 is better!"

Peace to all the world.

All that and a bag of chips

I'm on medication that makes me stupid sometimes. I hate it. I hate it when I can't think of a simple word, as much as I know what that word is it can't come to mind when I need it to be there. The synapsis within my brain is just not fast enough. I hate being forgetful-- moreso than my normal level of forgetfulness. I hate not being able to concentrate on daily tasks. I find myself sometimes staring at my fingers not knowing what I was doing just a moment before. Though it disrupts my life sometimes, it's not always, and it's not extreme, but it still bothers me. I'm not who I used to be. Hardly anyone notices these things, but I do.
But without the medication I would be in a lot of pain. So I have to choose: be stupid or be in so much pain that I can't talk, eat, sleep, or smile. Hmmm... guess I'll take the stupid.

Here we are

So, it's been about 7 months since we've moved. It's still too early to determine if it was the right thing to do, but overall I think it's been good for me. I'm still very concerned about Sport-o- he hasn't found a job yet, and though he has his home-based business, it is hard to be cooped up at home by yourself all day.
I'm enjoying the new environment, but not necessarily the heat! Though with everything, we must adapt.

To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.