Uncomfortably numb

I wrote a series of articles about an artist for the museum newsletter. I wrote and rewrote and worked and reworked it, worrying about what this artist would think. I fretted to the point that I just had to stop. I sent my last draft of the article to this artist, and heard back this morning that he liked it. He liked it! (Think Mikey with Life cereal as to my emotions at that moment!)

I said to Sport-o how I'm just overthinking everything with the work I'm having to do lately. I'm so worried about what others will think I'm loosing sight of what I want to do, how to present certain things, and stand my ground on what I feel is right. It's like I've been going to work with a little piece of my heart sinking, heavy from the burdens I'm unintentionally putting on it. I want to please others but am loosing myself while doing it. I don't have that competitiveness in my personality that I can battle with type A's the way I should. For the past 2 years I have been taking that back seat, and I'm not sure how to take shotgun. Sport-o says I should just "DO IT" and get over this feeling. But I don't know how.

I've learned, though, to take criticism, and a lot of it. Maybe that's why I'm so beaten down. I've just become so numb to it that I just let it go, let it wash over me again and again... an erosion of me.