Mother, Mother

I have such Mom issues it's disgusting. I've written off and on about how she treats me since I've moved away. I can't talk to her on the phone without her crying before we hang up, nor can I talk about my job, my apartment, the town I live in, or just about anything that will trigger her to say something like, "So when do you think you'll be moving home?" I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
But she's my mother, and the way she works is that she'll lay the guilt trips on you until you can't take it anymore and you lash out. Then, being faultless, she'll make it like there was no reason for you to be that way, and she'll make you feel worse than before. And that's the vicious cycle that my siblings and I have to go through over and over again. No wonder my brother pretty much cuts off contact from my mother for weeks at a time (but lives a few miles away). And my youngest sister, the last of us still living in the house, is never home. But you don't think my mom would have anything to do with that, do you? Never! My brother ABANDONED her. And I ABANDONED her. My other sister, who is a replica of my mother, is starting to realize what the rest of us have known forever. We'll have to wait and see what she does to piss off mom, and ABANDON her too.
People have said to me to just be honest and tell my mom to let up. That all Moms are that way. I can tell you right now that that wouldn't work. She knows how to push buttons. It's her God-given gift as my mother to do that. She'll put the problem on you. Yeah, every mother at some point is this way, I'll give you that. But this is MY mother.

Remember this song? Mother Mother by Tracy Bonham:

Mother mother can you hear me I'm just calling to say hello
How's the weather how's my father am I lonely heavens no
Mother mother are you listening just a phone call to ease your mind
Life is perfect never better distance making the heart grow blind

When you sent me off to see the world where you scared that I might get hurt
Would I try a little tobacco would I keep on hiking up my skirt

I'm hungry
I'm dirty
I'm losing my mind
Everything's fine

I'm freezing
I'm starving
I'm bleeding to death
Everything's fine

Yeah, I'm working, making money I'm just starting to build a name
I can feel it around the corner I could make it any day
Mother mother can you hear me yeah I'm sober sure I'm sane
Life is perfect never better still your daughter still the same

If I tell you what you want to hear will it help you to sleep well at night
Are you sure that I'm your perfect dear now just cuddle up and sleep tight

I'm hungry
I'm dirty
I'm losing my mind
Everything's fine

I'm freezing
I'm starving
I'm bleeding to death
Everything's fine

I miss you
I love you.


It's scary how much this song rings true. I cringe.