Christmas n'at

I've been a bit bi-polar when it comes to Christmas spirit. Hot and cold. Pro and con. Sometimes I've got it, and sometimes I'm a Grinch. I haven't found a balance yet, unfortunately, and Christmas is only a few days away. I'm not going "home" this year, and I think in the back of my mind that things will wind up like last year; hardly talking to my family on the phone because they had "things going on" and being hurt by it, and Sport-o and I sitting there saying, "So, what do you want to do now?." (Think Pinky and the Brain, narf!) I had never had a Christmas like that before, just enjoying the day and not stressing. I've always thought of the holidays as this huge whirlwind that you couldn't stop to breathe. So that was refreshing to, well, be bored.
A few weeks ago I couldn't stop thinking about what we could get for people as gifts. I guess I had to "redeem" myself as to not being there with the "families" and giving these great presents instead. I had ideas flashing through my mind at high speed. My husband could care less if we gave them all crap, but as I could spew out so many ideas, I could barely keep up with myself. But once the gifts were bought, wrapped, and in the mail, and the hussle to get Christmas cards was done, I felt blah. There was no "fun" in it anymore. I missed the stress. I guess it reminded me of Christmas when I was growing up. I felt connected and there was a purpose to it all. Sounds a bit wierd, but it's true.
Of course, on the other side of things, my mother is having surgery on her hand today that's supposed to have a long recovery time and be very painful. But she is still planning on having an "open house" inviting everyone and their uncle to her house on Christmas Eve. Insane? Definitely. My sisters are going to have to pull it off somehow, as I'm sure my mother will be drugged to incoherency and my Dad will be pretending that nothing is going on around him. At least I won't be there to get stuck with all that. OH what a wonderful Christmas it will be!