Series of Events

I found out this week that a coworker of mine committed suicide. I wasn't very close to him, but we worked in the same area and had a working relationship. Friends of mine at work were much closer to him, and therefore are having a much harder time in coping with this loss. I feel very saddened that he left behind a wife and three kids, along with a grandkid. We had counselors come in to the building to have group sessions to see how the staff is handling the news. We had to break out into groups and express how it made us feel, how we deal with stress, and how our feelings impact our daly lives.
I just keep thinking back to the mornings that I would say hi to this person, not knowing the demons inside of him that he was probably fighting everyday. What a facade people can put on. During our counseling sessions we were "debriefed" with what happened, it helped put some things in perspective. This person was healthy his whole life, and had a exemplary military career before being struck with a brain tumor. After the brain surgery he had a blood clot, which made things worse. So, for the rest of his life he would be dependent on drugs, which included drugs that effected his emotional state. I can only imagine the impact it would have on your outlook on life.
Last night my mind was plagued with thinking about how he felt that moment he put a gun to his head. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to go there, but couldn't help it. My imagination became so vivid and clear. It was frightening.

I heard from other people stories about other suicides that happened to those close to them. I have had friends who have attempted to do things to themselves, but never to the point of killing themselves. It was a cry for help. (If you are reading this, yes, I think about what happened with you and how glad I am that you are still around even though it was some time ago. I don't know how life would be if you went through with it.)
My mind has really been thinking about these types of things off and on this week. I have been trying to keep on with my normal routine, but every now and again these thoughts creep in. But I have to tell myself that it's normal and will pass.

I want to put out there that if anyone feels that they are in a point of true dispair, that the darkness is engulfing every part of them, to seek help. People care. You can pull yourself out of it. Call a crisis center or suicide hotline.

Think of George Bailey... It truly is a wonderful life.