My boss at work is away for a few days. You would think it would be more relaxing, slower moving, there would be more socializing, and so on, but not with me. Wish I could, but I can't. I have been working like a dog to get things done. Usually when she comes back, there's always this tension. I'm always supposed to have done this or that. Did you call this person, send this email, etc. So- I'm trying to think, get ahead of the game, and hopefully make myself look good. Now, there's one problem. That never happens. Try as I might, I always screw up something. So it's a catch 22 or whatever interesting catch phrase you want to attach to this situation. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. So I'll have to wait until she comes back and rips me a new one. But honestly, I don't think I do a bad job, quite the contrary. I work very hard, and try to do things the best of my ability, but I happen to have the hardest person to work for. Other persons in the workplace have said to me, "I gatta hand it to you for working for her..." and "she's the most difficult person to work with around here. You must really have some tolerance." It's not tolerance, people. It's fear. It's fear of screwing up a decent job (besides the boss, it is the career I've wanted for years), it's the fear of suffering her wrath, it's fear of not being able to bring home a steady paycheck, and it's the fear that one day I may come crawling home to Mommy. And that day will never come if I can help it.
I had an employee evaluation last month... should I even write what she said? Honestly, it wasn't bad. I should be pleased because I've only been working here for 9 months, and she said I have to bring passion and creativity to the workplace, work on our communication skills, etc. But the ringer was her calling me "sensitive." Sensitive. Now there has to be some irony of me making a big deal about being called sensitive- because only a sensitive person would let it bother them. So, ok. I'll call myself sensitive, but why put it on an evaluation? I've never cried at work, I've never lost my temper, I've never had any kind of hissy fit. I've never complained. So where did this come from? I racked my brain, and I concluded that it may have been from months ago when I first started working there. A patron came in that wasn't too happy, saying that he wrote for some so and so publication, and was going to write a not so good story on my workplace because of his experience (it's a public institution). Then he remarked how I work for a bunch of assholes. Well, I thought to report it to my supervisor, because if there are any reprocutions about this, I might get in trouble. So I tried to calm the guy down, and sent him on his way. Then called for a meeting with my supervisor. (Well, in my personal life, I say words like asshole and all the above, I am shameless in that respect. I don't scream profanity in public, but when I'm at home or in my car, if something upsets me, I say "damn" or "shit" or what not. But not at work. ) But, in reporting this unhappy patron to my supervisor, she was very nonchalant about it. She focused more on me saying that the guy said "assholes" then his threat of bad publicity for the institution. Well, now I wonder if I should've said anything in the first place. Maybe that's how I was labeled "sensitive." I wish sensitive meant I was psychic or something. That would be cool. Instead I sound like a weenie.
I've asked some family and friends what they think of this and they said, "don't worry about it, she probably meant it in a good way." Or "she was probably trying to come up with something to say..." or " I would take it as a compliment." But, then again, they've never experienced it for themselves. They don't work for her. They are sympathetic, but they don't REALLY know, ya know? I know, everyone has had their share of bad bosses. (My mother has had a constant stream of bad ones over the past decade) So I'm not saying I have the worst one by any means. I'm just sensitive, I guess!
So, I don't know. She could've got the "sensitive" idea from other things too. I'm not really worrying about it every hour of the day and losing sleep over it. I just wanted to rant a bit.
So I have to get ready for my boss's return. Wish me luck!
1 comment:
When a boss says you're sensitive, it means that when they give you critisism, they can see that you take it personally and not professionally. Meaning, if she comes back and says, "Why didn't you call this person right back? Now I have to call him and say, blah blah blah." you start beating yourself up about not having even know to call this person, instead of letting it stay professional and, by keeping your personal feelings about yourself in check, coming up with a way to make your boss look good in light of your inexperience. The catch 22 of the situation is that you have to care about your job, but you can't take it personally. You can't expect yourself to know everything and, while a boss seems to think you should be psychic, what they really hope for is a cool collected person that can stand outside of a situation mentally while they're being yelled at and learn from the situation in a way that keeps the boss looking good. Easier said than done, but when a boss corrects you, it's not about you being a bad or dumb person, it's about her not being able to express her needs in a constructive way and unfortunetly it's her "right" as the leader to not even have to think about how she comes accross to her employees.
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